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MTC Update 4: Confusion and Changes

Hello everyone!!!

This week has been interesting...  Let's start with some of the good stuff.  I don't remember if I mentioned it last time, but each companionship in our district now has it's own additional "coaching" teacher.  Basically a teacher whose focus is to help it's assigned companionship.  Ours in Tao laoshi.  He is really nice and oddly quiet for a teacher.  But, I feel like he fits our companionship perfectly because Meng Jiemei instantly took a liking to him because he seems to have the same sort of demeanor and personality as her, for me it wasn't as instant, but I definitely knew that he was able to get me thinking about things in ways I never had before, so it was and is very cool.  Another great thing about him is that he comes in almost everyday.  Some of the other "coaching" teachers can only make it about 3 times a week.  We are definitely blessed.  But, it might not last long because it we are getting new Mandarin speaking districts soon, and the only we got him was because there were more teachers than missionaries.  It makes me slightly apprehensive towards the soon-to-be newcomers... but I know that everything is part of the Lords plan and we will learn exactly what we need to from him while we still have him.

Now for the not so good stuff.

Last week was also the first time since being here that I ever legitimately felt like I was supposed to go home.  It was a strange feeling.  It started as a small idea that maybe I was done with my missionary experience.  It was weird cause I really did just get here, so I was wondering about how I could think such a thing.  So I kept a prayer in my heart for a few days, asking the Lord if this was really it.  If this is when I should go home and start something else. All I got was static.  For a few days I was really confused, I felt like I wasn't getting an answer and on top of that all my learning came to a halt.  I couldn't seem to memorize any new words or phrases and I felt like I couldn't retain anything the teachers were teaching.  That of course made me more upset and I broke down in tears one day from the stress.  I decided with the help of the sisters that I needed to make a choice.  Stay, or go home and then pray to know whether or not I made the right decision.  My decision was to stay, I guess I was expecting a feeling of peace once I made that decision, but it didn't come.  I spent the entire day wondering why I wasn't happy with my decision or why a feeling of peace didn't rush over me.  At that point, I definitely began to wonder if that was my answer.  I wasn't getting reassuring feelings because it wasn't the right decision.  I was preparing my heart and trying to figure out what the first step was in going home while I was waiting for a devotional to begin.  But, that devotional by Elder Robbins changed everything.  He told a numerous amount of stories of miracles that happen in the mission field, and about how the Lord will lead you to the right person or how the Lord with [will] lead the right person to you.  By the end I felt rejuvenated and excited to get out into the field.  That was my answer and I was ecstatic.  I was glad that the days of endless crying were behind me because I was seriously sick of waking up with eyes puffed shut.  Hahaha.

But, even that my state of confusion of woe was over, it was just beginning for Meng Jiemei but in a slightly different way.  She had to start taking Typhoid pills and they left her bedridden.  She felt horrible for several days and was unable to do really much of anything.  We have been having a problem in our companionship where neither of us are enthused to work at the same time.  So it's be she is feeling very tired and wear for a few days then she got over it and I was confused and upset about whether I should still be on my mission, and then she was on Typhoid pills, and now I'm oddly irritable and ill.  I'm just hoping for the week or even the day when we are both on the same page.  I don't think it's really either of our fault, but we are just not on the same "wave" so I'm hoping we hop on the same one soon.  I love her and I think if we were both at our best at the same time then we'd be able learn and prepare a lot more.

In addition to this stuff, we were recently told that our teacher Ge Laoshi is getting moved to the new district coming in on Wednesday.  I definitely cried when she told us.  I feel like all of our teachers are so important and  couldn't imagine getting a new one and losing her.  I really wondered why they would do this to our district when we all learned so well from her and she was also an emotional and mental support for a lot of us.  I was definitely bitter for a few hours but later felt like maybe it's for the best.  Even Ge Laosho said that she as sad but that maybe this was a good thing so that all of us could become more independent because nothing stays the same and comfortable when you're on the mission.

Okay well enough of my week of depressing news.  The good thing that happened was that in all the trials I spent more time reading the Book of Mormon.  I'm in Alma 54 and love it.  I almost can't believe how much I love reading the Boo of Mormon right now because before this it was the hardest thing for me to do.  But reading it from the beginning because I want to and not because a class is forcing me to is completely different.  It is quite possibly one of the coolest books ever.  The way that the histories and story lines all connect is so intriguing and I love reading about all the righteous people.  I love the prophets of course but I have definitely developed a love for the "minor characters" like Gideon.  I was seriously crushed *spoiler* when he was killed.  I know I'm talking about it like some sort of fiction novel, but I think that's the coolest part, is that it's not a fiction novel.  This was real life.  It's like the coolest history book ever.  And the best part is?  That every chapter testifies of Christ and his love for mankind.  If you haven't read it, read it.  If you have, read it again because I know that the second I get to the end, I'll be starting again from the beginning.  

All in all the mission has been the hardest thing I've done in my life, but it's awesome.

Sister Hsu

[Note from Kat: I had started to edit this for Jacqueline when I encountered a difficult sentence to fix. So I have decided to no longer help her edit her posts. Plus, this way, we can see how/if she starts to lose her skills in English (which I think is a good thing!); and some of her mistakes/typos are funny! "Boo of Mormon." How appropriate for Halloween. xD]

MTC Update 3: TRC

First and foremost. My Sister is still trying to fix my address on the side bar, but just know that it is all the same EXCEPT instead of unit 70, it is now unit 7.  
[Note from Kat: I fixed it! :D]

Okay.  This past week.  It was pretty good.  The food here is making me gain weight...  It's those biscuits and gravy, curly fries and tater tots...  I mean to go in and not eat them, but they entice my every time.  I do exercise, but I suppose I should push myself harder in order to make up for all the extra calories I seem to be taking in.  :]

I forgot my journal, so I can't really remember anything in particular...  Oh! Last week, we took a walk to the temple in the rain.  I actually really don't like going out in the rain, but I really needed a change in scenery.  It was still a jovial walk despite the dampness and coldness.  

I discovered that since my emotional breakdown, the lock on the door to my tears seems to have loosened a bit.  I find if I so much as think about something that is stressing me out, my eyes start to water.  I'll tell you the truth it's been quick a thing for me to get used to.  I'm not one to really just cry willy nilly.  This newfound weakness of mine and made me even more stressed and makes me feel like an uber loser.  Solution! Don't think about anything that may or may not be stressful to me.  When that fails and I start crying, its just never ending.  I had one of those moment this past week but I knew I couldn't cry for that long.  There was no time.  My companion and I had an investigator to teach in an hour.  So I just shut off my emotions.  I felt absolutely nothing and thought about nothing.  It was strange, but it worked.  We went in, gave our lesson and it was great.

This past week Elder Dallin H. Oaks came and gave our Tuesday devotional and was about to pretty plainly and clearly explain how our church is different from other churches.  It really was an eye opening and spiritual experience.  

On Saturday we (Meng Jiemei and I)  had our first (official)  TRC experience!!  We had a given topic this time, which was to prepare a lesson for Preach My Gospel (so it didn't really narrow it down, but guidelines are always nice)  Oh, if you don't know what TRC is, it's basically a time when the missionaries in the MTC meet people who volunteer to be taught.  In our case they are all Mandarin speakers of course, and for the most part it's member who just want to help out or be spiritually uplifted, but on Saturday, one of our TRC volunteers was my teacher He(pronounced huh) laoshi's friend who wasn't a member.  Needless to say, Meng Jiemei and I were quite nervous about it.  

But first!! Our first volunteer that we met was a missionary from Taipei, Taiwan who was sent home a year into his mission because of an illness, and for some reason, after getting home, the doctors still don't know what he has.  Our hearts definitely went out to him and we shared the message we prepared about faith and how we need to continually nurture it because as human beings we are quick to forget the Lord's tender mercies as well as his constant love and desire to help us through our trials.  We invited him to, every night, write down in a journal or notebook, one thing that the Lord and Heavenly Father had blessed him with sometime during the day.  I also challenge anyone who is reading this to do the same, and if anything I encourage you to find and write down 3-5 things.  I promise you that if you do this, your faith will grow and you will be able to feel His hand in your life, constantly trying to lift you up.

The second volunteer was He Laoshi's friend.  She was very nice and we discovered that she already had a copy of the Book of Mormon had was starting to read in 1st Nephi.  We asked her to read a few scriptures about faith and asked about her thoughts and ended with a challenge to not only continue reading the Book of Mormon but to also pray every night about whether or not it is true.  

Speaking of the Book of Mormon, I am almost through Mosiah and I just have to say that Alma's conversion was more than I thought it was when I learned about it in church.  Alma was one of King Noah's evil priests.  One of his evil priests!  Meaning he was mostly likely like King Noah and all the other evil priests living in all manner of well, evil!  But, when he heard the words of the prophet, his heart was softened and even tried to plead with King Noah to spare his life.  After that he ran away because he believed his words and then repented of his sins.  I feel like just saying it like that makes it seem like an easy matter.  But it couldn't have been.  He had been living such a lifestyle and because of the Spirit and the Lord he changed completely.  It was a great reminder to me that no matter who you are or how you might be living, if you open your heart to the Spirit and allow the Lord to heal you, anyone can change and become a follower of Christ.

Okay, well, I'm running out of time.  Let me just add that the MTC is quite possibly the hardest experience I've had (so far) in my life, but I don't regret it.  I feel like I have learned so much more about the Lord and his influence in my life more in these past 2 and a half weeks than I have in my entire life.  It is a rollercoaster everyday.  "The days are long, but the weeks are short"  I think my time to leave this place will come much sooner than I'm expecting.  I love my District and my companion Meng Jiemei.  I think we really are perfect for each other because we both are really able to learn a lot from one another.  

-Sister Hsu

P.S.  I'm sorry if there are letters missing.  The keyboard doesn't seem to like me very much.

Note from Kat: I think I corrected most of the errors... But I think the "r" on her keyboard wasn't working very well.

MTC Update 2: First Mental Breakdown

Hello!  It's day 12 in the MTC and it's been a whirlwind.  I had my first mental breakdown this past week.  The first of many I'm sure... but I;ll talk more about that later.

So...  First traumatizing moment of the past week.  Last Tuesday all the Sisters going to Taiwan had to get their blood drawn for some tests.  If you know me, you know I've got this little morbid fear of needles.  It's not the pain I'm afraid of.  In all honesty, I don't think it really hurts at all when I get shots.  It's the idea that this metal foreign object is being inserted under my skin that freaks me out.  So I go in, heart racing, and already beginning to slightly hyperventilate before they have even prepared the needle (yes, I know, I'm a big baby)  They slide it under the skin of my right arm and I can feel it scraping inside of me.  But, lo and behold, they can't seem to get any blood out of me.  So the do it again, in my left arm.  Still doesn't work.  At this point I'm pretty messed up inside.  My brain will not take any more of it, but they need the blood, so they try the side of my wrist. (It was a weird spot that was kind of along my thumb bone).  Now, that one hurt...  And I felt every bit if it going into me.  I guess it was the combo of slight pain and my intensified phobia of needles combined, but I burst into tears.  You would think, well at least it's over with.  Nope, they couldn't get enough and I had to go back after I ate lunch and had gym.  Who would of thought that up to that point in the MTC, my hardest trial would be getting my blood drawn.

Thursday was the day that I decided I really needed to amp up my Chinese learning.  I had an interview with my teacher and she asked me what my "miracle goal" would be for after I completed the MTC.  Of course I said that I would be fluent in Chinese, and of course she said that that was now my goal and I need to work as though it is going to happen.  It was a little overwhelming, but I took it as a challenge.  (Despite what people my think, learning Chinese has been pretty difficult for me.  Church terms and teaching are completely different from understand and casual talk).

Friday, oh Friday.  Even right after I woke up, I didn't feel quite right.  I felt lethargic, and really tired.  I didn't feel particularly sad or happy, it was just "meh."  The day went on like that, and I think because of it I wasn't able to really focus in class or retain anything that I was trying to study and it was quite frustrating.  So, I went through the day like that up until our night class where we were working as a class with He Laoshi (Huh-Laoh-Sher aka Teacher He)  to make some lesson plans.  I just couldn't figure out what to teach or why.  I felt like I had some mental block.  They had kept drilling in our head that we must plan for the individual, but I wasn't getting any such ideas on how to do that.  So I was getting increasingly upset about my uselessness and ineptitude when He Laoshi came by to ask how my companion and I were faring, and then I felt it.  The tears welling behind my eyeballs, so I quickly excused myself (bringing my companion with me of course)  and burst into tears in the hall.  It was strange, because the whole time at the MTC, I didn't feel particularly stressed, didn't feel homesick or anything, so I thought it was strange that I would completely lose it over such a matter.  But, that was exactly the case, I look back on it now and think that I must have been stressed even if I didn't realize it because I cried for about 3 hours straight.  I will just say that I am incredibly grateful for my teachers here, because without them, I'm pretty sure I would not be able to stay sane.  Jin Laoshi especially, because he was the one that was able to help pull me out of my endless feeling of inadequacy.

Saturday was a good day, especially compared to Friday, I was still trying to get back into the swing of things.  We were supposed to have class for 3 hours in the morning, but a man in charge of TRC said that they had way more Mandarin volunteers than companionship's to teach them.  This turned into surprise mandarin practice because we weren't supposed to start TRC until the next week.  I was excited and nervous, because they are member volunteers so the pressure to have to do perfectly is decreased ever so slightly.  All in all, it was sudden but a great experience.  I was able to find out that my Chinese still has a long way to go.

This past Sunday was my first "normal" Sunday in the MTC.  (The Sunday before was General Conference)  It was a great day.  We had Refief Society with all the Sisters in the Provo MTC, had sacrament meeting with our branch.  (Which only has 2 districts, so about 20-ish people)  and then had a devotional speaker and watched a recorded devotional after.  My favorite of the night was the recording we watched.  It was by Elder Holland and the devotional was entitled, "Missions are Forever"  it was fun as well as very powerful.  He said that we must not take the mission for granted and that we must not give up when times get hard, because the experience you will gain as a mission will carry on and help you throughout the rest of your life.  

Basically, the week was full of ups and downs, which I'm sure is exactly how the next 17-18 months of my life is going to be.

-Sister Hsu

P.S.  EVE!!!  I saw your brother Daniel at breakfast today. :] and Allie it was great seeing you.  I hope to see you again soon, and Vaughn, sorry I couldn't stop to talk more, we were late getting to the Temple.  >.<

P.P.S.  I began reading the Book of Mormon from the beginning, and all I have to say is Nephi is amazing.  I don't know how I didn't fully realize the greatness that he was until now, but I'm glad I know now.  :]

NOTE FROM KAT: Hey, so I still seem to be having trouble editing her address on the side of the blog, but just remember that she's in UNIT 7 of the MTC! Thanks! Sorry for the trouble!

Pictures 1

Sisters of the District

District Elders

My companion, Sister Mangelson

The following pictures...
"Some pics of my district with my zone leaders.  The girls in the district, then specifically the girls I room with and my companion of course."

MTC Update 1: District, MTC, General Conference

Hello everyone!  

The I've been in the MTC for about 5 days now and it's been crazy.  On top of it being my first week and trying to figure everything out, it was also General Conference weekend, which made everything that much more hectic.  BUT!  It was still awesome.  :]

My district consists of 8 Sisters and 2 Elders.  A bit strange I know, but it's been a blast.  I have really come to love everyone in my district soooooooo much even if I've only known them for a few days.  If it's any consolation, they were a few days that felt like a few months.  Somehow the days in the MTC are ridiculously long.  It's maybe 3 or 4 in the afternoon and I'm wondering when it's bed time.  That's another thing.  Sleep?  What's that? I've been having the hardest time falling to sleep only to wake up at 6 in the morning.  So basically, I'm pretty sure I'm going through and experiencing everything that every other person who has been through the MTC has gone through.  Just got to get used to it.  I hear that while you're on the mission you are always tired, but it's worth it.  :]

General Conference.  I don't even now where to begin.  People had told me before that having General Conference while in the MTC is like the best thing ever, but now I really know what they meant.  I got so much out of every single talk.  It felt like every message somehow addressed on of the many questions that I had formed since being in the MTC and they really helped me to know that even though I'm trying to learn how to teach and learn to speak different language, that it isn't about me.  I am learning for the Lord and his children and that I need to remember that the next year and a half isn't mine.  It's his.  

I feel like before I got to the computer I had so much more to say, but now that I'm here, I just don't know how to get it all out and put it into words.  Just know that I might be extremely tired but I love every minute of it.

-Sister Hsu

P.S.  My MTC address unit number has changed from 70 to 7.  My sister should have changed it on the side bar, but if not, there ya go.  Oh!  And I would love to write some legit hand written mail, but I don't have anyone's address.  This means if you want a letter from me, you're just gonna have to write me first.  Hand written mail would be cool, but I'm totally okay with you using Dear Elder if you'd like to.  :]