MTC Update 2: First Mental Breakdown

Hello!  It's day 12 in the MTC and it's been a whirlwind.  I had my first mental breakdown this past week.  The first of many I'm sure... but I;ll talk more about that later.

So...  First traumatizing moment of the past week.  Last Tuesday all the Sisters going to Taiwan had to get their blood drawn for some tests.  If you know me, you know I've got this little morbid fear of needles.  It's not the pain I'm afraid of.  In all honesty, I don't think it really hurts at all when I get shots.  It's the idea that this metal foreign object is being inserted under my skin that freaks me out.  So I go in, heart racing, and already beginning to slightly hyperventilate before they have even prepared the needle (yes, I know, I'm a big baby)  They slide it under the skin of my right arm and I can feel it scraping inside of me.  But, lo and behold, they can't seem to get any blood out of me.  So the do it again, in my left arm.  Still doesn't work.  At this point I'm pretty messed up inside.  My brain will not take any more of it, but they need the blood, so they try the side of my wrist. (It was a weird spot that was kind of along my thumb bone).  Now, that one hurt...  And I felt every bit if it going into me.  I guess it was the combo of slight pain and my intensified phobia of needles combined, but I burst into tears.  You would think, well at least it's over with.  Nope, they couldn't get enough and I had to go back after I ate lunch and had gym.  Who would of thought that up to that point in the MTC, my hardest trial would be getting my blood drawn.

Thursday was the day that I decided I really needed to amp up my Chinese learning.  I had an interview with my teacher and she asked me what my "miracle goal" would be for after I completed the MTC.  Of course I said that I would be fluent in Chinese, and of course she said that that was now my goal and I need to work as though it is going to happen.  It was a little overwhelming, but I took it as a challenge.  (Despite what people my think, learning Chinese has been pretty difficult for me.  Church terms and teaching are completely different from understand and casual talk).

Friday, oh Friday.  Even right after I woke up, I didn't feel quite right.  I felt lethargic, and really tired.  I didn't feel particularly sad or happy, it was just "meh."  The day went on like that, and I think because of it I wasn't able to really focus in class or retain anything that I was trying to study and it was quite frustrating.  So, I went through the day like that up until our night class where we were working as a class with He Laoshi (Huh-Laoh-Sher aka Teacher He)  to make some lesson plans.  I just couldn't figure out what to teach or why.  I felt like I had some mental block.  They had kept drilling in our head that we must plan for the individual, but I wasn't getting any such ideas on how to do that.  So I was getting increasingly upset about my uselessness and ineptitude when He Laoshi came by to ask how my companion and I were faring, and then I felt it.  The tears welling behind my eyeballs, so I quickly excused myself (bringing my companion with me of course)  and burst into tears in the hall.  It was strange, because the whole time at the MTC, I didn't feel particularly stressed, didn't feel homesick or anything, so I thought it was strange that I would completely lose it over such a matter.  But, that was exactly the case, I look back on it now and think that I must have been stressed even if I didn't realize it because I cried for about 3 hours straight.  I will just say that I am incredibly grateful for my teachers here, because without them, I'm pretty sure I would not be able to stay sane.  Jin Laoshi especially, because he was the one that was able to help pull me out of my endless feeling of inadequacy.

Saturday was a good day, especially compared to Friday, I was still trying to get back into the swing of things.  We were supposed to have class for 3 hours in the morning, but a man in charge of TRC said that they had way more Mandarin volunteers than companionship's to teach them.  This turned into surprise mandarin practice because we weren't supposed to start TRC until the next week.  I was excited and nervous, because they are member volunteers so the pressure to have to do perfectly is decreased ever so slightly.  All in all, it was sudden but a great experience.  I was able to find out that my Chinese still has a long way to go.

This past Sunday was my first "normal" Sunday in the MTC.  (The Sunday before was General Conference)  It was a great day.  We had Refief Society with all the Sisters in the Provo MTC, had sacrament meeting with our branch.  (Which only has 2 districts, so about 20-ish people)  and then had a devotional speaker and watched a recorded devotional after.  My favorite of the night was the recording we watched.  It was by Elder Holland and the devotional was entitled, "Missions are Forever"  it was fun as well as very powerful.  He said that we must not take the mission for granted and that we must not give up when times get hard, because the experience you will gain as a mission will carry on and help you throughout the rest of your life.  

Basically, the week was full of ups and downs, which I'm sure is exactly how the next 17-18 months of my life is going to be.

-Sister Hsu

P.S.  EVE!!!  I saw your brother Daniel at breakfast today. :] and Allie it was great seeing you.  I hope to see you again soon, and Vaughn, sorry I couldn't stop to talk more, we were late getting to the Temple.  >.<

P.P.S.  I began reading the Book of Mormon from the beginning, and all I have to say is Nephi is amazing.  I don't know how I didn't fully realize the greatness that he was until now, but I'm glad I know now.  :]

NOTE FROM KAT: Hey, so I still seem to be having trouble editing her address on the side of the blog, but just remember that she's in UNIT 7 of the MTC! Thanks! Sorry for the trouble!