MTC Update 4: Confusion and Changes

Hello everyone!!!

This week has been interesting...  Let's start with some of the good stuff.  I don't remember if I mentioned it last time, but each companionship in our district now has it's own additional "coaching" teacher.  Basically a teacher whose focus is to help it's assigned companionship.  Ours in Tao laoshi.  He is really nice and oddly quiet for a teacher.  But, I feel like he fits our companionship perfectly because Meng Jiemei instantly took a liking to him because he seems to have the same sort of demeanor and personality as her, for me it wasn't as instant, but I definitely knew that he was able to get me thinking about things in ways I never had before, so it was and is very cool.  Another great thing about him is that he comes in almost everyday.  Some of the other "coaching" teachers can only make it about 3 times a week.  We are definitely blessed.  But, it might not last long because it we are getting new Mandarin speaking districts soon, and the only we got him was because there were more teachers than missionaries.  It makes me slightly apprehensive towards the soon-to-be newcomers... but I know that everything is part of the Lords plan and we will learn exactly what we need to from him while we still have him.

Now for the not so good stuff.

Last week was also the first time since being here that I ever legitimately felt like I was supposed to go home.  It was a strange feeling.  It started as a small idea that maybe I was done with my missionary experience.  It was weird cause I really did just get here, so I was wondering about how I could think such a thing.  So I kept a prayer in my heart for a few days, asking the Lord if this was really it.  If this is when I should go home and start something else. All I got was static.  For a few days I was really confused, I felt like I wasn't getting an answer and on top of that all my learning came to a halt.  I couldn't seem to memorize any new words or phrases and I felt like I couldn't retain anything the teachers were teaching.  That of course made me more upset and I broke down in tears one day from the stress.  I decided with the help of the sisters that I needed to make a choice.  Stay, or go home and then pray to know whether or not I made the right decision.  My decision was to stay, I guess I was expecting a feeling of peace once I made that decision, but it didn't come.  I spent the entire day wondering why I wasn't happy with my decision or why a feeling of peace didn't rush over me.  At that point, I definitely began to wonder if that was my answer.  I wasn't getting reassuring feelings because it wasn't the right decision.  I was preparing my heart and trying to figure out what the first step was in going home while I was waiting for a devotional to begin.  But, that devotional by Elder Robbins changed everything.  He told a numerous amount of stories of miracles that happen in the mission field, and about how the Lord will lead you to the right person or how the Lord with [will] lead the right person to you.  By the end I felt rejuvenated and excited to get out into the field.  That was my answer and I was ecstatic.  I was glad that the days of endless crying were behind me because I was seriously sick of waking up with eyes puffed shut.  Hahaha.

But, even that my state of confusion of woe was over, it was just beginning for Meng Jiemei but in a slightly different way.  She had to start taking Typhoid pills and they left her bedridden.  She felt horrible for several days and was unable to do really much of anything.  We have been having a problem in our companionship where neither of us are enthused to work at the same time.  So it's be she is feeling very tired and wear for a few days then she got over it and I was confused and upset about whether I should still be on my mission, and then she was on Typhoid pills, and now I'm oddly irritable and ill.  I'm just hoping for the week or even the day when we are both on the same page.  I don't think it's really either of our fault, but we are just not on the same "wave" so I'm hoping we hop on the same one soon.  I love her and I think if we were both at our best at the same time then we'd be able learn and prepare a lot more.

In addition to this stuff, we were recently told that our teacher Ge Laoshi is getting moved to the new district coming in on Wednesday.  I definitely cried when she told us.  I feel like all of our teachers are so important and  couldn't imagine getting a new one and losing her.  I really wondered why they would do this to our district when we all learned so well from her and she was also an emotional and mental support for a lot of us.  I was definitely bitter for a few hours but later felt like maybe it's for the best.  Even Ge Laosho said that she as sad but that maybe this was a good thing so that all of us could become more independent because nothing stays the same and comfortable when you're on the mission.

Okay well enough of my week of depressing news.  The good thing that happened was that in all the trials I spent more time reading the Book of Mormon.  I'm in Alma 54 and love it.  I almost can't believe how much I love reading the Boo of Mormon right now because before this it was the hardest thing for me to do.  But reading it from the beginning because I want to and not because a class is forcing me to is completely different.  It is quite possibly one of the coolest books ever.  The way that the histories and story lines all connect is so intriguing and I love reading about all the righteous people.  I love the prophets of course but I have definitely developed a love for the "minor characters" like Gideon.  I was seriously crushed *spoiler* when he was killed.  I know I'm talking about it like some sort of fiction novel, but I think that's the coolest part, is that it's not a fiction novel.  This was real life.  It's like the coolest history book ever.  And the best part is?  That every chapter testifies of Christ and his love for mankind.  If you haven't read it, read it.  If you have, read it again because I know that the second I get to the end, I'll be starting again from the beginning.  

All in all the mission has been the hardest thing I've done in my life, but it's awesome.

Sister Hsu

[Note from Kat: I had started to edit this for Jacqueline when I encountered a difficult sentence to fix. So I have decided to no longer help her edit her posts. Plus, this way, we can see how/if she starts to lose her skills in English (which I think is a good thing!); and some of her mistakes/typos are funny! "Boo of Mormon." How appropriate for Halloween. xD]