What happened?

Hello all!

Another week just flew by!  I really don't know what happened, "time zai nali?!" (Courtesy of Jin Laoshi)  But really, this entry may be really short cause I can't really think of anything other than the fact that I got my flight plans!  Yay!!  I leave December 3rd.  I go from Salt Lake City -> Los Angeles -> Tokyo Narita, Japan -> Taipei, Taiwan.  I don't know exactly how long the flight is in total but I think it's better that I don't dwell on it too much.  I learned from my trip to China that I love travelling, but I don't really like flying...  hahaha.  It kind of stinks.  But!  I still can't wait.  :]  There is one little thing that is making me slightly uneasy, and that is the fact that at each airport, we only have about 1-2ish hours of layover time.  Flashbacks of delayed flights and sprinting through terminals to make our next connection while coming back to the U.S. from China keeps playing in my head.  Okay, other than that, we had some great devotionals this past week.

One that I liked asked us all to write down in our journals which kingdom of glory we want to attain in heaven.  Of course I strive to attain Celestial Glory so that's what I wrote down, but something else he said was that the best part is, essentially, we can use our agency to attain the exact kingdom that we want.  The scriptures give us a pretty clear picture of who goes to which kingdoms and in turn tells us what we need to do, or not do, to get into each kingdom.  If we strive everyday to remember what kind of glory we want to attain after this life. the decisions we make will be influenced by our decision.  So yes, ultimately, the Lord will be at the judgement bar to assign us to a kingdom of glory based on our works in this life, but if all our works reflect Christ, our Heavenly Father and all that exhalation encompasses, why wouldn't we obtain Celestial Glory?  

Basically, what I'm saying is that if we choose right now, that after this life we want to attain Celestial Glory, and we let this decision influence all our actions, thoughts and deeds, then receiving that glory after this life doesn't seem as hard to attain.

Okay, well... I'm not sure what else to talk about so I'll end things here. 

T-minus 8 days until I go to Taiwan.

-Sister Hsu

The Atonement

Hello everybody! 

Time is really such a strange thing here at the MTC.  It feels like it is going so slowly and yet at the same time it feels like the day to depart for Taiwan is coming so quickly.  All the days mix together and since I don't have my journal with me (forgot it, again) I will do my best to try and give a good overview of the things that have been happening.

In terms of interesting things that happened, Shawn Casey(I don't know if that's how you spell his name) the assistant to John Kerry(Yup that guy in our government) came by our class to see what it was like learning a language in the MTC.  It was very random, but cool I suppose.  As for who came to speak last week for Tuesday Devotional, it was L. Tom Perry but I missed it because my companion was sick.  :(   Well, life throws you curve balls every once and a while right?  Other than that I would have to say that last week was a pretty bumpy one.

Okay, it was a really bumpy one.  I was experiencing something so intense that I was thinking if something wasn't done to remedy the situation soon, I'd just have to go home.  It was hard thinking that way of course, because I KNOW this is where I'm supposed to be.  But, the situation was quite volatile so it was definitely something I was thinking about.  In the end what changed everything for me?  The Atonement.  

I was walked through the process by a wonderful teacher, Sister Okada.  Truly, without her, I don't know how things would have ended.  She very patiently, kindly and following the promptings of the Spirit was able to facilitate guided discussion that showed to me the power of the Atonement.  I had always heard and had been taught and was even teaching that the Atonement is for everything.  It's not just for sins.  If you have any desire to change in any way, the Atonement can and will help you do it if you only allow it to.  

Through the Atonement, I felt the wounds that had been inflicted upon me by others as well as by myself be healed.  I felt my heart become light and full of love and desire to become more like Christ and want to forgive and become better.  I'm not saying it was an instantaneous thing.  It was over an hour of trying to want to open my heart to the Savior so that he could help heal me and take away my burdens.  But, I felt it.  The moment my heart wanted to trust in Him, I could feel his love and His desire to help me and I felt my emotions become raw.  I started to sob harder than before and I felt the pain so fully, as if the dampeners that I had put on my emotions in order to lessen the pain was suddenly removed.  If I had to compare, I'd say the pain in my heart had definitely become much worse than when we had first started.  I could feel all my pain, anger, frustration, sadness and feelings of hopelessness being drawn out of me and even though it hurt so badly, I could feel each of them slowly being taken from me.  The pain dulled and I felt the burden on my mind and heart be lifted.  

By the end I no longer wanted to run away.  I wanted to make amends.  I wanted to be able to love and forgive and become better.  I of course still remembered everything that had happened in the past, but instead of feeling bad about it, it felt like a distant memory.  I can't say it was an instant remedy because even at this point in time, even though there is love, there are times I find myself second guessing my decision because I don't want to be hurt again.  But, it's a quick thought and I immediately will it away.  I know how the Lord wants me to be and I am doing all I can to become that kind of person.  It's a pretty herculean task when I think about it in the long run, but then remind myself that I just need to take it one step at a time, a day at a time and know that every time I make a mistake, become lost and need to overcome, that the Lord is there with a helping hand, willing and ready to lift me up.  I just need to let Him.

I'm really sorry if parts of that didn't make a lot of sense.  I don't have much time to go back and word it all properly, but just know that, life was hard, I was about to break to pieces, but the Atonement of Christ saved me and I was really able to grow from this experience.  I encourage all to take the time to try and understand your relationship with the Savior.

Okay, well that's all I think.  Tootles!

Sister Hsu

P.S. I finished the Book of Mormon, now I can start over.  :]

P.P.S.  I leave for Taiwan in 16 days.

Pictures 4

Finally, the calm after the storm.

Hello friends!

Sorry about my last post, it was quite gloomy and I was having quite a hard time, but I think this hard time has officially passed!  Yay!  I thank everyone who emailed me and sent me goodies (Kat is awesome, I got some surprise Salt and Vinegar chips.  Really made my day.  :] Thanks!) All the emails were also a great support and helped me get back on my feet.  I feel like I've had a weight lifted off my shoulders.  I'm not saying everyday has been perfect but it's been better and I think part of it is definitely because I am trying to have a better attitude about everything that happens.

Speaking of having a good attitude, our coaching teacher Tao Laoshi is officially leaving us.  He has been assigned to be one of the main teachers for one of the new districts coming in this Wednesday.  Everyone says that we should be fine since we only have a few weeks left, but he really was a great motivator and taught me and helped me with so many things that I'm not sure about what I'm going to do when he is gone.  But!  Instead of being slightly bitter like last time (when Ge Laoshi was swapped to a new district) I'm just a little bit sad, but understanding.  I know what a great teacher he is and I know that everyone (his new district will consist of 5 sisters, weird right?!) in his district will greatly benefit from his knowledge, temperament and teaching style.   

Other than that, the week has been pretty normal, except for the fact that I'm really starting to feel the count down before our departure date.  I feel like there is just not enough time to finish learning everything both in terms of Chinese and in terms of teaching.  My Book of Mormon reading has been put on hold for a bit so I can try and get my general lesson plans done.  I really can't seem to figure out when and how I'm supposed to get everything done before I leave.  

We are getting along quite well with the new districts that came in. they are nice and pretty funny.  There have of course been some things that went on that weren't particularly to my liking, but everyone is different right?  I've definitely begun learning how to be more tolerable of people who don't do things the way I'm used to (even though my way is the RIGHT way hahahah Just kidding!  :]  )  This place has been teaching me how to love everyone no matter what.  In the real world, if you don't like somebody or the way they do things, you can usually get away from them and not have to deal with it anymore (MOST of the time anyway)  But here, that is definitely not the case.  I have never been afraid of confrontation or telling someone my thoughts about an issue, but I've definitely learned that some finesse certainly couldn't hurt.  :]

Other than that, a very exciting speaker is coming for our Tuesday Devotional, but I'm not too sure how secret it is supposed to be, because I'm pretty sure none of us were supposed to know.  But, last weeks guest kind of spilled the beans (it was funny seeing the MTC Presidency's reaction) So I'll have to tell you who it was next week.  :]

 

Alright!  

So, basically.

emotions: fairly stable

stress: higher than normal, but doable

physical: good? I work out every gym time we get

mental: still slightly mental, but working on it...

Overall: Best I've been in a few weeks.

Huzzah!

-Sister Hsu

P.S.  Thanks again for all the well wishes and emotional support.  It really did help me out a lot during the rough times.

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Why can't I find the light at the end of the tunnel.‏

So...  Once again, my week was full of ups and downs.  I don't think I've even been so consistently frustrated in my entire life.  I don't want to go into details, but I can say that it isn't something I can change or control, so the frustration just gets worse because there is nothing I can do to fix the problem.  But!  I am told that everything on the mission happens for a reason and that this will somehow make me a better person.  Just trust in the Lord I suppose.

Today specifically, I was basically frustrated to tears.  I was actually quite angry on the inside.  I got a hair cut (pretty basic, just trimmed off 3 inches and got my bangs cut back so that they weren't always hanging in my eyes.  Although I do wish I could have gotten a cut from Maranda Miller before I came into the MTC) and I suppose it refreshed me a bit, so currently I feel a bit better.  Although I do think the best solution would be to not be frustrated at all.  Must become more Christlike.

We had Mission Conference yesterday for fast Sunday.  Basically it's like a two hour devotional.  It was pretty good but, my favorite part was definitely sacrament meeting.  The testimonies that were born were beautiful and all in Chinese.  It was spiritually uplifting and very enjoyable.

I feel like I'm in this endless loop of happy for a few hours, then irritated and frustrated the rest of the day.  It's very tiring.  There are certain people here, where when I am with them, I can forget all the things that upset me, but the minute we stop talking or the moment is over, the feelings come rushing back.

Sometimes I feel like I'm happy, but most of the time I feel real crappy.  I'm not saying I want to go home.  I know I'm supposed to be here.  But I am getting quite exhausted from having my emotions thrown around.  Sometimes I wish I could just go to Smiths and buy some family sized bags of Salt and Vinegar or Sour Cream and Onion chips and just eat away my emotions as I watch a sci-fi television show.  That may be the hardest part about being here.  Before the mission, if there was something going on in my life, I knew what I could do to make me feel better.  Whether it be video games, tv shows, music, movies, Jamba Juice or junk food.  I had a way to take care of myself.  Here, I have to find a new way, and I don't think I've figured it out yet.

I know it's a short one this time around, but I don't have much else to say.  I'll have Kat put up some jovial looking pictures to make the post seem less depressed. 

Sister Hsu
Note from Kat: I told Jacqueline about titling the posts, so She will be naming her own posts, as well from now on. Also, she wants me to continue editing her typos, so I'll be doing that as well. :)